Ho Ho Ho you sad little forkers it’s that magical time of year again where you spent all your early December wages on buying presents for people you spend as much time staying away from, then pretending to it came from jolly fat bearded bloke that probably should be locked up. He spends a lot of time watching people, and we all know what happened last time dodgy celebrities were allowed near the vulnerable.
So, here is some games that I think you should play today in order to not have to talk with people you actively dislike. Probably gonna be family. So, without further wasting time writing to actively make this article seem longer, let’s see what crap I have for you:
PRESENT 1: JAMES POND: ROBOCOD
Yes even though it’s actually a pretty poor game, and I do dislike it, I also have a soft spot for it. You see, I owned this game on the Amiga 600 back in the day and as I didn’t know better, I loved it way more than I should.
Granted, James Pond always stole copyrighted music and slightly altered it for their games. This time they went for, obviously, the RoboCop theme as you can tell by the name of the game. Though, aside from that blatantly illegal use of music which I’m surprised EA never questioned, the original music is annoyingly catchy.
The modern console releases has seemingly removed the important story which is sad because it’s actually all about Christmas. You got Santa in there, you got Penguin biscuits… what more could you want?
PRESENT 2: PUSHOVER
No it’s not a Christmas game, however in December 92 I did receive the Amiga 600 with three games bundled. One of those games was indeed Pushover. So to me, it’s a game to play at Christmas. And to be fair, most kids get a console at Christmas not any other time of year. So I think that counts.
Anyway, I love this game. It’s one of the only puzzle games I actually enjoy. And it’s surprisingly from Ocean Software. Though the downside is how shady they were with the developers Red Ant. Yeah, from an interview I read, they basically bankrupted them through lawsuits just to get their own way. And that makes me deeply angry and hate Ocean Software more than ever.
Pushover though, is an exception because it’s both a great puzzle game that has more great catchy music. Also, play it for the developers sake. They earned it.
In this game it’s really about understanding how different dominos work. Some may explode, some fly, some do nothing. You need to remember all this to help you figure out the puzzle to get to the next stage in the allotted time limit. There’s never ending lives and you can just keep on practicing till you get it right.
PRESENT 3: FORMULA ONE GRAND PRIX
This was the second game that came with my Amiga 600. It’s a technical showcase for what the Amiga can do when it comes to 3D graphics. And you can damage the backs of other racers which is just mind blowing to a young me.
It’s not like this will appeal to everyone, but I got it for Christmas and it’s my list. So you have to go and play it. Buy an Amiga 500 Mini and get this game.
PRESENT 4: PUTTY
This is Putty, not Putty Squad which got the remake a decade ago and is shit. This is the original game. And it has a Joe 90 inspired theme music which I admit to liking.
As a game, it’s messed up and really difficult. You have to save alien creatures that were taken hostage before the time limit. But at the same time, kill enemies because holy shit they will destroy you.
One way to kill the enemy is by punching them. This is disturbing as it turns them into crying babies. Fail to punch the baby, or swallow it and they explode. Then a giant cat rips through the background and says “Too bad. Just missed it” before laughing at you and disappearing. Like, that’s some drug fuelled idea right there.
PRESENT 5: MIRROR’S EDGE
Don’t play that sequel/reboot, play the original. It’s awesome. The first game and one of only a few I ever pre-ordered I still love this game. And I still wear the t-shirt it came with every time. That’s all I’m saying on the subject. My word is enough.
PRESENT 6: DIZZY: THE ULTIMATE CARTOON ADVENTURE
Not the best Dizzy game, but it is the first game I ever remember playing. Actually I think it’s the very first memory I have. Period.
Yes, it’s got problems like only carrying one item, loads of easy to die areas to time your jumps over and everything kills you. But, that’s where careful planning comes into play. Plus you can collect items to kill everything, even the falling apples and somehow, acid rain.
Also, this is the sleeper hit that created the British craze for all things Dizzy. So you have to now go out and play this game one way or another.
PRESENT 7: BROKEN SWORD
There are two must play Broken Sword games so I’m including both in this present. And no, I’m not wanting you to play the Director’s Cut either. Play the original. It’s actually free when you buy the bundle on Steam.
The first two games are a must for anyone with a love for point and click adventure games. Wonderful 2D art, great voice over acting, great music by the bloke that scored Inspector Morse, hence it sounding familiar, and just all around greatness.
And once you played both games, wait for the remake of Shadow of the Templars and buy that too. Because it’s that good.
PRESENT 8: CANNON FODDER
War has never been so much fun. Go to your brother, kill him with a gun. Leave him lying in his uniform, dying in the sun. Those are some of the words to the theme song only found on the Amiga release. So it must be true. And it is true. War has never been so much fun. Don’t let the killjoys of the world tell you otherwise.
Take a team of soldiers across various maps of various terrains and kill all the enemies. Rinse and repeat. That’s the game, more or less.
It’s one of the greatest titles ever to embrace Earth. And then Sensible Software blew it all and went bankrupt.
PRESENT 9: THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: OCARINA OF TIME
Ocarina of Time is perhaps just as important for the franchise and genre as Super Mario 64 was for its own franchise and genre. There’s no doubt about it, Ocarina of Time to this day is a masterpiece. It’s just timeless. Perhaps that’s why it’s seen as the greatest game of all time according to the reviews that make up Metacritic.
I don’t need to say much about this game, as everyone knows about Ocarina of Time. But it’s definitely worthy of playing through this Christmas. Along with every other game in this list.
PRESENT 10: FLASHBACK
It’s Flashback. The all time best game ever. I don’t care what any website says. This is the best game ever. And it’s on all current generation consoles so there’s no excuse not to play it.