If it hadn’t been for Cotton-Eye Joe. I’d been married long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe?
Isn’t that the question we’ve all been asking ourselves these past thirty years? Where did Cotton-Eye Joe go? Are you a concerned citizen about the whereabouts of Cotton-Eye Joe? Are you someone who would too have been married long time ago if it weren’t for Cotton-Eye Joe? These are truly troubling times.
This opinion article has taken a lot longer than I initially expected to get written up and published. I had hoped that I would be doing a separate piece on all three streamed showcases that took place from Microsoft, Ubisoft and Capcom. However, that hasn’t worked out how I wanted it to. I’ve attempted multiple times to write something but just couldn’t get my head around what I actually thought about every game shown from any of the events. To make things harder, this heatwave has made concentration that much more difficult.
It took my a few days but I have finally decided that the best cause of action isn’t to do separate articles but instead one single piece where I put forward my thoughts on the games that were either announced or that had received a significant update showing. Another plus to waiting so long is that we also know that, unless something happens out of the blue, there’s not going to be any kind of Nintendo Direct this week.
So, without further delays, let’s take a look at some of the announcements that have taken place this past week.
FABLE
After the absolute disaster that was the Xbox One, it’s pretty obvious that Microsoft was going to lead into the new generation of consoles with a totally new agenda. The years leading up to the eventual reveal of Xbox Series X/S, Microsoft invested heavily into it’s gaming division. They created Game Pass, which is only a move a big tech company such as Microsoft could make. It’s requires huge capital just to get it off the ground, let alone the following months and years it needs to become a very real business model. Microsoft also saw itself spending hundreds of millions acquiring a portfolio of developers. You may remember E3 2019 when the first batch were announced one by one on stage by Phil Spencer.
One such developed to be purchased during the initial flurry was Playground Games, the team behind the ever increasingly successful Forza Horizon series of games. During 2020, in the run up to the launch of the new consoles, Fable was one of a number of titles that got their first reveal. A reboot of a much loved franchise, the CG trailer definitely excited fans.
Three years later and finally we have seen what the vision for the rebooted Fable is. Before the Xbox Showcase, Microsoft made damn sure to let everyone know there’ll be no CG trailers. What that doesn’t mean is there’ll necessarily be gameplay trailers. Fable is one game that definitely had no gameplay trailer. That isn’t the end of the world by any means, but it would have been good to know how it’s going to play.
Was this the Fable reboot I was hoping to see? Definitely not. It’s hard to make a real judgement on whether this is a game I’m going to be excited for until we see actual gameplay footage and also get to understand better what it’s actually about. Right now, my main takeaway from it all is Honey I Shrank the Kids, The Borrowers and The Land of Giants. And I’m not totally convinced that’s a good sign. Maybe it’ll be finally achieve Peter Mollyface’s vision of being able to plant an acorn and watch it grow into a tree. Only replace acorn with the Borrowers and growing into a tree with an actual normal size person. That would be great but likely too far fetched. Oh well.
MICROSOFT FLIGHT SIMULATOR 2024
Remember when Microsoft Flight Simulator was first announced? 1982 was a good year for IBM PC users. Oh, wait… different Flight Simulator.
Remember when Microsoft Flight Simulator was first announced? It was another game that was to showcase the power of the Xbox Series consoles, though it initially came to PC. You could fly anywhere in the world, you just had to download the planet and purchase various add-ons to see some of the landmarks. Not that Buckingham Palace doesn’t look like a large 1960s brutalist concrete social housing scheme. Because we all know it does… wait, no. No it doesn’t.
Well, because the world just wasn’t good enough first time round, there’s going to be a new Flight Simulator called Flight Simulator 2024. Because as we all know, London has changed beyond recognition in the past three years. There’s now at least a thousand new hipster coffee shops for starters. Debenhams has gone bankrupt and there’s probably more Sports Directs dotted around too. So you gotta knock out a new game for that. Oh but there are new things you can actually do in this game, to be fair.
You can fly over large wildfires and put them out. Because what better way to help prevent global warming than to play a game where you prevent global warming through the prevention of wildfires destroying more of our increasingly important forests. And think of all the animals you’ll be digitally saving in the process. Progress!
Imagine helicoptering a dying moron who thought taking that selfie from a cliff edge would be awesome only to fall and nearly kill themselves. Feel sorry for the prick? Transport him to safety and watch the paramedics save his life and feel warmth that you’re efforts has meant another imbecile will one day breed more worthless humans. Good job!
Ever wanted to watch people go skydiving? Well, that’s also new. Cut the ropes of the parachute and let them plummet to their deaths… is not something you can do. It’s also highly illegal.
Yep. That’s the kind of mind blowing excitement that made you the perfect target to buy a Sega 32X back in the day.
CLOCKWORK REVOLUTION
Clockwork Orange is certainly an interesting choice for a game. Nope, wait sorry that’s a blu-ray I’m looking at.
Bioshock Infinite is a great Xbox 360 game. I’m not sure why Microsoft felt the need to reveal. I’m pretty sure everyone has already played it. Heck, I have the trilogy on both the PS4 and Switch when the remastered collection got a release. What a weird choice.
STAR WARS OUTLAWS
It’s a Star Wars game. It’s by Ubisoft. It’s open world. You have all the pieces from that information to put together a conclusion.
AVATAR: FRONTIERS OF PANDORA
This is not, as I was hoping for, a in game where you open Pandora’s Box and release evil onto the world. That would make for a much more enjoyable experience than Avatar. Oh it’s also by Ubisoft so, you know. I really do not understand the appeal for the films. And I’m going to get the same feeling for this game. I’ll just play Far Cry.
APOLLO JUSTICE: ACE ATTORNEY TRILOGY
This actually excites me. I never played any of the games in the Ace Attorney franchise until the original trilogy was remade and released. I bought that trilogy day one and although there’s a lot of questionable mechanics in what does and does not work in court, it’s bloody fantastic all the same. So I’m in. Day one. End of.
So back to Cotton-Eye Joe. We recently managed to track down the whereabouts of Cotton-Eye Joe and we asked him about his thoughts on the Ubisoft Showcase. He neither knew what a Ubisoft nor a Showcase was. The very knowledge of the invention of the internet was enough to blow his little mind. He’s now in an asylum. God bless that man.
